I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize