i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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