I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
