you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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