Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
