I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
