All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
