Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
