thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
