I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
