Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
