Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
