I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
