youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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