I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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