:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
