apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize