this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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