I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
