oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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