That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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