I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
