woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
