I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
