You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I understand Curling. That high.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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