I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
