She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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