did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
