After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize