so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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