Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
