don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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