i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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