..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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