in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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