Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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