Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
