just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
