u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You are the jesus of drinking
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