i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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