Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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