I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
