i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
