This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol