Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.