Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
