Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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