So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
