For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
