He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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