I can tuck mytits in my pants
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
