my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There r osticjed everywhere
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize