ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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