Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
