Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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