I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
