At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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