when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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