i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the night ended with taco bell and tears
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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