Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
